See Yourself

This week, every time I got into the car, I expected the oil filter to explode!

I think that’s because, well it’s the first time I’ve done it but more importantly, I still see myself as a kid. I’m not 100% sure that things I do are always great. I’ve really notice this perception I have of myself at work. Of course, there I’m just a staff. Almost everyone has more experience than I do.

It makes taking about the acquisition feel really weird. Everyone else has kiddos and is older. But yea, maybe one day I won’t feel that way. Maybe when I have a kid myself. Or maybe we’ll just both be kids together.

Oh, there’s one other thing I’ve noticed. I think most people at work are pessimistic. I’ve noticed a few times we get an email from a client and I read it and think no big deal. Seconds later, the other person on the email will come to me and say can you believe what they wrote?

They’ll totally read subtext into the email and I won’t. I give the clients the benefit of the doubt. They think the client’s are being dicks.

Those times I actually think I may not really be a pessimist. I might actually be an optimist.

I should definitely like to Life of Pi post.

Community season finale tomorrow! I’m not sure how I feel about these short seasons.

Man, I’m hungry.

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The Oil Change

Today was pretty cool.

It started off raining. I liked it. But for reals, I woke up around 7am. I wanted to catch the Manchester City vs Liverpool game. I did. It was fun. Sucks that Manchester United isn’t in the title race. Anyway. Liverpool won, but it should have been a tie.

After that I hung around the house until 11am when my little sister and I went to run some errands and catch a movie. It was Mr. Peabody and Sherman. It was ok. Then we stopped by to get some oil and a filter for the new Camaro.

I came home and looked up how to change the oil. Then I went outside and changed the oil. It was weird. It was very different from the old Camaro. The oil filter looks like an air filter. It’s so easy to access. Draining the oil pan is the same. I guess the oil filter was the only different part.

I liked it. I liked changing the oil. That’s the first oil change. There are about 99 more oil changes left for the new Camaro, assuming the car last around 300,000 miles and I change the oil around every 3,000 miles.

So after that, I watched the FOX Sunday shows. They were cool. I like having Cosmos at 8pm. It closes out the weekend with some deep reflection. Every time I watch that show I feel so small and unimportant, but content. It’s the strangest feeling.

Alright, I’m getting tired. I should go to sleep.

oh, I got the Camaro back on Friday afternoon. It’s amazing. Driving is so much more fun with the manual transmission. I can’t go back to the automatic transmission. It’s so boring.

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The Carless Week

This week is tough.

I dropped the Camaro off to get repaired on Monday. They say I won’t get it back until Tuesday. I’ve been driving the truck. It’s made the drive to work and home boring. It only has two pedals! Boring. It’s not even fun like the old Camaro. That was a fun car.

Boo.

I can’t wait for Tuesday.

Also, they say this is the last Saturday we’ll have to work, but I’ll believe it when I see it.

oh! I bought three new The Strokes shirts. I love them already. I’m well on my way to charging those 3k to the new credit card. Actually, one of the positive sides of the car accident is that I am $500 closer to the 3k. Also, the payment for the next 6-months of insurance is due soon. That’s another like $800 bucks.

Alright. I’m going to work early tomorrow. Good night.

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The Weirdest Week

I was going to say it was the worst week ever, but it could have been worse.

Recently, I said I was feeling sad. I don’t remember when that was, but I think it was around the beginning of the week. Anyway, Wednesday I was in a car accident. It wasn’t anything big. Actually, it could have been way worse. Progressive said not to talk about it, so I won’t. I’ll tell you later I guess.

So that shit happened. Then Thursday we talked about the merger for what felt like all day. That was probably the most unproductive day in my two busy seasons there. Today wasn’t very good either. The day started with the biggest headache. It had evolved from the small persistent headache I had since Tuesday. It sucked. The crazy part was that the day didn’t feel any good until I had to stay a little late and actually got some work done.

I’m so glad this week is over.

I’m ready for this merger thing to be over or start or whatever. I’m ready to get the Camaro fixed. Both of them. I’m ready for some sleep on Sunday. I’m ready to read some comics this weekend and play some Pokemon soon.

Here I come future.

If things get too bad, then I’m running away from my problems.

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No Music Today

I’ve had the worst last few days.

Let me clarify. They haven’t been bad days. But I’ve been feeling sad. I’m not sure why, but I do know what is contributing for it. For the longest time, so long that I can’t remember, I don’t have a song in my heart. And as a result, when nothing is happening there’s no, ahh what’s the word, like, overarching tune to pick me up.

Usually I like being alone with my thoughts, but these last few days I’ve been too alone with my thoughts. I guess that’s because work has finally slowed down, but it hasn’t slowed down enough for me to devote time to something else. Well I don’t know. It’s not so slow that I’m not thinking about work, at work. Man, then I don’t know.

Why is the music gone?

It’s not like I don’t music. I can still enjoy music. It’s just that music is not playing in my head anymore.

As I write this, there is no tune in my head and it’s depressing.

Chicken or egg. I don’t know.

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The Merger 2

We’ve been talking about the merger often at work.

I think we all feel it’s imminent. Maybe it’s just more comforting to talk it out. I don’t know. I feel better about it, but it’s around 70% dread/panic and 30% hope/optimism. I still think I won’t like and I’ll probably quit and take this as a time to move away.

This is what bothers me the most is though.

I was finally happy.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been thinking about the future. It’s always been, oh man I have to get into Townview, oh man, I have to get into a good college, oh man, I have to get an internship so I can get a job. Oh man, I have to get enough hours to sit for the CPA exam, oh man I need to get into graduate school, and finally, oh man, I have to find a job. Life was always about having a general idea of where I wanted to go, but being unsure how to get there.

Then I was lucky enough to get a job at Rothstein Kass. I had a general idea of what I was getting into, but I wasn’t sure if I would like it. Little did I know that I would love it. I’m pretty good at it. I’m learning so much, and just as importantly, it’s a good work-life balance. The thing is that I finally had a solid idea about what the future at Rothstein Kass looks like, or rather, what it looked like.¬† More importantly, the people in that future were good people. I was looking forward to growing with them.

So, that future is in jeopardy and it’s being replaced with a giant question mark. Will I like the new future? I don’t know.

But why can’t I be happy for once?

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Redheads Daily

First off, I worked a ton this last week.

I worked 87 hours last week. It was exhausting. I finally had some things to note, there was stuff I wanted to write, but I didn’t have time.

Alright, so here is something that really bothered me, because it got me thinking too much. So I follow Meg Turney on the twitter and one morning she retweeted a picture of herself that was tweeted from @iLikeRedHeadsDaily. I thought to myself, if this twitter handle is going to keep posting pictures of cute redheads, then I’m going to follow them.

Like the handle said, I thought it would post a picture a day, i.e. “daily”. I checked my twitter feed a few hours later and they had posted another picture. Cool, I thought. The next time I checked my feed there was another picture, but this time I think the lady was topless. I was surprised, because I thought it was a like a PG-13 feed, but I wasn’t shocked. They’re just breasts.

The next day a few more pictures were twitted and a few of them were topless. It wasn’t until the third then when the handle went too far. They posted a picture of a naked lady spreading her one of her legs and showing her vagina. This crossed whatever moral line I had drawn in my head.

In my head, a picture of a topless woman is ok because they’re just breasts. Actually, even a picture of a naked woman is ok because the intent of the picture would be to appreciate the human form, or at least, that’s the way I would see the picture. But the spreading of her legs is engaging to the viewer, me, and changes the focal point from the human form to her pussy. It makes the entire picture overtly sexual.

That made me feel¬† . . dirty. I was at work. That’s no time for pictures of pussies, breasts maybe. More importantly, at that point it seemed like the twitter handle objectified and took advantage of women, instead of respectfully appreciating and empowering women.

So yea, that was a cool three days. It really made me question how I see women and reflect on my actions. Am I helping the cause of feminism and equality, or am I hurting?

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