I’m had a few experiences in life. Only a few have been truly memorable. The memorable ones are usually the sad, angry, and happy ones. Moments of sad, anger, and joy usually only mean something because they involve someone for who you care.
Almost two years ago, I lost a really good friend of mine. She didn’t die. We simply stopped communicating. We mostly communicated through emails because we lived in different cities. We visited each other a couple of times and hung out.
Weeks passed and she didn’t return my email. Months passed and she didn’t return my email. Months later she gave me a call. She’s dropped me a few texts since.
We’re not close anymore.
I’ve thought about why we’re not close anymore a few times. The only reason I have come up with is we changed. In retrospect, duh.
I met her in high school. I met her junior year. We were very similar. She was different from anyone I had met so far. The greatest similarity was that we were both in kinda bad relationships, and! we had the same thoughts on relationships.
Eventually, she got out of her relationship and so did I. But she changed. A year after high school, she met someone and became a girlfriend. She got out of that relationship. Then she got into another relationship. We never talked about it, but I’m sure her attitude on relationships changed.
I’m only remorseful that we grew apart.
More recently, a friend and I had a falling out around March. There was an argument and we flat-out stopped talking to each other.
I knew her from high school too. We were similar in many ways too. We both had a similar approach to life. We were distrustful, even a bit paranoid. We analyzed things a lot. I analyzed things almost to the point of detachment from the real world.
We didn’t email each other. We texted. We hung out a few times.
I haven’t really thought a lot about why we got stopped talking. Early on, I came to the conclusion that we weren’t really friends if such a dumb thing separated us.
Now, I can take that further and say we grew apart.
I don’t over analyze things anymore. I’ve accepted that I can’t control most things, so I let it go and don’t think about what I can’t control. For me, that’s let me relax. I’m not as stressed out as I used to be in high school. I’m not that person anymore. I’m way! happier.
Can we still be friends? I don’t know. It would be a new type of friendship, but it could be possible.
All this being at home has changed me. I have become more analytical recently but it isn’t because of distrust or fear. I’ve become enamored with the idea of love. I haven’t changed my attitude about relationships, but I’m thinking I want to try it out, for scientific purposes at least. And if I fall in love, and etc, then, score.
I blame this change of heart on Zooey Deschanel. Damn those wonderful eyes.
Anyway, that’s how things are.
(The visual soundtrack to this written blog post is the movie 500 Days of Summer)
One other thing is worth noting. I first saw 500 Day of Summer with some one special. Some one I liked. Now she’s only special because she broke my heart.
That’s when I stopped analyzing. What was the point of all the thinking? It didn’t help when I needed it most. It didn’t. Not thinking worked. I’ve been happy, very happy, but I’ve had a chip on my shoulders. The broken heart lingered.
I wasn’t over it until recently.
I won’t go back to over analyzing. At least I’ll try not to do that on purpose. No promises. Over thinking doesn’t lead to the enjoyment of the small things in life.
What’s the point of living if I can’t enjoy the small things.
Like a girl’s eyes.