Kinda Grateful

Two things today.

First, last night and the preceding night I have dreamed about my grandma. The first night she said she was dying on Wednesday. I told her not to. She said she had to. I told her to take grandpa with her. She didn’t say anything to that. Last night I walked into a room and she said was clearly there. I looked at her for a bit and I reminded myself that she is dead and jarred myself awake. I’m not sure what it means, if anything.

Either way, it brings me to the second thing. I’m feeling kinda grateful. I’m relatively happy. Sure I’m sore from the ill-timed jog I took on Sunday. Sure I’m tired from the long work hours. But, life isn’t so bad. I’m happy. Life seems to have worked out well for me so far. And, I keep wondering how I was able to make it all the way to where I am now. Looking back, it seems like a real long road here.

Seeing my sister doing all her high school stuff reminds me how long high school was. It wasn’t all that difficult. Some thing were, but most of high school was taking care of a lot of small easy things. Did I really have the determination to do all those little things and set myself up for the big picture things like scholarships, college, and getting a job? It appears so.

Did I do it by myself? Yes, mostly. But, what really kept me going through those times when things seemed pointless were my friends. They made high school enjoyable and I am grateful.

Most people think that shadows follow, precede, or surround beings or objects. The truth is that they also surround words, ideas, desires, deeds, impulses and memories. -Elie Wiesel, writer, Nobel laureate (b. 1928)

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