Amazing Spiderman Again

Two of my most favoritest movies are (500) Days of Summer and The Amazing Spider-man.

Today I was able to see The Amazing Spider-man in theaters again as part of AMC promotion. I relished the opportunity. As I’ve come to realize, I am a person who appreciates experiences and there is nothing like seeing a movie in theaters. That is a worthwhile experience. The opportunity to see one of my favorite movies on screen is a truly magical experience.

This is one of my favorite movies not only because it involves Spiderman, but because the movie stays true to the essence of Spiderman. What stuck with me the most from tonight’s viewing was the theme of responsibility. Specifically, Uncle Ben’s death showed how not doing the right thing has consequences and you become responsible for those consequences. Peter didn’t stop the burglar and the burglar later shot Uncle Ben. Peter indirectly hurt the people he loved.

It reminded me of something I fear. See, yesterday afternoon my family was talking about what they fear. The typical stuff came up: snakes, bugs, drowning. I said I wasn’t really afraid of that stuff anymore. The only thing that really came to mind as a fear was that our cat would get hurt. At that moment, that was all I could think of as a fear.

But I had forgotten how one of my biggest fears are my own actions. I’m not talking about failure. I’m not really afraid of failing. I’m talking about the loss of self, the loss of control. I’m talking about not doing what is right, the same way Peter let the burglar go, and dealing with those consequences.

What if one day I lose control and that hurts the people I love? What if one day I get really mad at my wife and hit her? What if one day I become verbally abusive to my children? What if I grew selfish again and every day make the lives of the people around me worse and worse? What if one day I listen to those voices deep down inside me and become a bad person?

Am I a bad person? I asked myself that during my vacation. It was that Monday over dinner with my friend that I kept coming back to that question. Am I a bad person? I’ve grown so much since those high school days when I think I was a bad person. Will I regress over time? Will it be slow? Will I notice it? Is it starting?

I feel more selfish.

I try to live by two rules: 1) Don’t be a dick,  2) With great power comes great responsibility. One thing I did not like about the Spiderman movie was that Uncle Ben didn’t say #2.

The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude. -Aldous Huxley, novelist (1894-1963)

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