Calling to Remember

I think I’m starting to look forward to phone calls.

One of my oldest friends called me on Wednesday. They called to make sure I could attend their wedding in November. I said yes and it was all gravy, but then we started talking about work, stuff we had done, and life. I know it started with wedding talk, but I think it was just a call to catch up.

Like I said, it was nice. I moved out in August and I don’t think we’d talked since then. Dang, that’s almost 9 months. If I stay out here in LA, then I might only see this guy once a year and talk to him twice a year. That means I’ll see him maybe like 40 more times and we’ll talk less than 100 times before I die. At that point, would he really have been my friend?

The best part of the call was at the end when he told me to feel free to call him. Because, he’s right. I could have made an effort and called. We are friends, aren’t we?

There’s two ways I can go from here and I think I’ll go both ways.

First. I remember a while back writing something along the lines of friendships are built on shared experiences. Once you can’t share those experiences you start growing apart and the friendship could vanish. Now I’m wondering if call backs to those experiences, or simply sharing those experiences, will be sufficient to keep that friendship.

I look at people who try long-distance relationships and fail (is that because they have trouble communicating? I don’t know. I haven’t thought about that enough), which I think happens more often than long-term relationships succeeding. I wonder if friendships fall into the same category, or maybe they’re just different enough to survive long distances because the participants aren’t each others main focus in life.

Second. I don’t think I have a lot of friends, but the friends I do have I would consider most of them very close. I think I have a high close friend ratio. The move hasn’t felt like such a strain on my friendships because, although my friends were close, we didn’t really hang out all that much. With the exception of two friends, I would see the others maybe 3 times a year.

If I go back to Dallas in the summer and Christmas season and see them then, I’m still seeing them about the same number of times as I was before I moved. But maybe that doesn’t mean we were really that close at all?

I don’t know. A lot of this stuff is up in the air.


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