Tag Archives: the struggle

Know the Path

I’ve wanted to write for the last 3 days but every night I thought something would happen the next day that would change my mind. Then I’d feel obligated to immediately write to correct myself.

At the old company, RK, I liked what we were doing. I liked what I was doing and I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay until I at least made manager. I knew how long that would take. It was a 5 year task. Then, if things were going well I could stay another 5 years and probably make partner.

At KPMG, it’s also 5 years to manager. I came over with 2 years under my belt. I need 3 more years until manager. The problem is, so far, I don’t like the firm. Don’t get me wrong. I like what I do. I like the auditing. And, I like my group of co-workers, but from what I’ve heard from the current managers, it sounds like it’s worse at the top.

Thursday, my manager asked me if I liked working at KPMG. I said it was alright. He asked if I was staying. I said I didn’t know. If I don’t do this, what else do I do? We ran through a couple of silly ideas, like opening a restaurant or running for judge. There’s nothing else that I’m really passionate about. But then because I was getting a little bored at work, I started thinking about what I liked.

One thing came to mind. The only other time I remember liking what I was doing, was when I was writing my big history paper. I always wanted to get a doctorate in history. Maybe it’s time I bail on this auditing stuff and pursue that. That way I can be a doctorate by my early 30s.

Friday, we had lunch with the partner and he basically told us to wait until busy season is over to make any decision, which was my mentality. The only difference is now I’m actually considering going back to school, or at least looking for a new job.

oh, then after work on Friday, the other managers and I went out for drinks. They said they were really unsure if they were coming back even if we all stayed. Like I said above, I like the work I’m doing and the people with who I work, but if most of the people leave then I’m down to just liking the work and I can like that anywhere.

If this KPMG thing is not making me happy, then why should I stay? But then the situation becomes, do I looking for another auditing/accounting job, or do I start over and go back to school. Then I’ll have to look at my life and think were the last three/four years worth it? I worked for three of them, got a Masters in Accounting, which I apparently won’t be using anymore. I suppose I could have just gone to a graduate program and I would be a doctorate right now.

Blah, either way, it doesn’t hurt to have options.

I’ll start looking into other jobs and how the hell to get into grad school. oh and I’ll have to figure out what grad school is.


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Q3 is Done

That’s why I haven’t written in a while.

We did manage to get the quarterly review approval submitted on time. That was on Friday, so it was a good Friday. Then Saturday I didn’t do much. I was hanging out around the house the entire day. Yea, I don’t remember anything crazy happening.

Sunday was messy. I woke up a bit before 10am, ate, and was hanging out. Around 1pm, I started reading the newspaper and my dad ended up calling me around 1:30pm. He was stranded at the gas station because the Altima wouldn’t start. We thought it was the car key battery and so I hurried to Radio shack to replace the battery on the remote. Turns out that wasn’t it. So we tried jumping the car. That didn’t work either. So I went home, brought the truck, and we towed the car to the house. Pops ended up taking the truck drop off my sister at school.

The entire ordeal was over around 4:30pm.

It was a strange to spend a Sunday.

I feel like I’m missing something important. I remember being at work and thinking that I should write about something. It felt important too, but I can’t remember.

Maybe it was about fantasy football? It’s not going so well. Not as well as I hoped. Camaro related? probably not. It’s been cold. I’ve kinda enjoyed it. Except when I’ve had to go out. My mother and sister came back from Mexico today. I’m glad they made it back. Man, I really don’t remember.

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Changing Responsibilities

I spent the last week down at one of my client’s offices.

I want to say that we got a lot done, but we didn’t. We were too distracted with other clients and administrative items.

I was told this happens to seniors, but I finally got some real experience with the situation. I didn’t like it. I’ll have to come up with some way to prioritize my workflow. Yea, I guess that will ultimately be it. I can’t do it all. Some stuff is going to have to not get done.

The newest part was telling the new staff what to do, then showing her how to do it, and then reviewing it. The telling her part wasn’t too bad. I think I’m a decent explain-er. The showing her how to do it was more difficult because I couldn’t yet tell where that line was between watching her do it and letting her doing it. And that kinda revolved around wanting her to come up with some ideas naturally and letting her learn through the struggle, but then also not wanting her to become frustrated through too much struggling.

I barely got to the reviewing part, but I don’t think I had enough time to actually go through it with her. So I thought I would save that for Monday. The review part is really important for her development and her development is really important to the success of our future engagements.

These are different problems than I’m used to so they are stressing me out earlier this week. But as time passes I’m feeling more and more confident about them. Now they’re almost starting to become exciting.

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Pussy Riot

Pussy Riot was on the Colbert Report last night.

The two ladies on the show didn’t speak English, but they captivated me. At first I thought it was just because they’re girls and kinda cute, blah, blah, blah. But I don’t think that is what it was. I listened to their words and saw their convictions in the expression on their faces. Their struggle was real. It is real.

I’d like to think I’m a good judge of character. More often than not I give the benefit of the doubt to people, but this was different. This isn’t one of those moments. The emotions these women feel is real. Their struggles are real.

They make me want to do something more with life. More than just failing to serve in public office. More than serving in public office. Surely, there is something I can do here. Not necessarily for them, but for people.

I need to be a better person.

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Finding Peace

Grandpa died last Wednesday.

I can’t say I’m sad, but I am relieved. Finally his suffering ended. I hope he finds peace. Now we can move on. At least I can. And! I have a new life goal, which is to never be like him.

On the flip side, Nelson Mandela died on Thursday. There’s a man who inspires.


Man, this ice storm wasn’t that bad. I went out yesterday and today. The streets were pretty good. The last ice storm that hit three years ago was bad. There was solid ice on the streets. No solid ice on the streets this time.

It was a good Saturday though, even though Manchester United lost. Saturday morning cartoons were good. Lunch was delicious. Buying groceries was ok. The kitten fucked up my pants. Then I took a quick nap. Then I worked for about 2 hours and made dinner. It wasn’t that great. Now I’m here watching Bob’s Burgers.

oh! I watched Bad Lieutenant. That was a great movie. It was up there with There Will Be Blood. Anyway, I really connected with the movie and the main character. Even though the main character was shooting up drugs, gambling, and drunk driving, I related to his struggles. He had modern-day struggles. Wait, no. He had self-imposed struggles. He was struggling with his inner demons. Just like me.

If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner. -Nelson Mandela, activist, South African president, Nobel Peace Prize (1918-2013)

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